someone please help me out!

So its been forever I know but this is my last cry for some sort of help!!!

My car is in the shop from an accident. they dont garuntee ( i know ) it to be fixed by monday. I am suppose to go hom to chicago for my sisters wedding. we are to leaving may 22nd-29th. i am all out of options. we cant take a rent a car from texas to chicago. its gay and they wont let us. and with my luck if i did id get caught. i dont have enuf money for a plane ticket so last minute or a bus ticket. so if ANYONE wants to go to chicago for a week and is willing to take there car please let me know. id pay for all the gas. youd stay at my house and eat our food. PLEASE PLEASE someone help me.

I cant miss this. I cant miss my sisters wedding!!!

and if you cant help out friends can you just pray i find a ride somehow please :)

thanks so much!

rae

What Hurts the Most...............

i hate living far from home at times like these...

as some know a few weeks ago my papa don passed away. he was an amazing man.  he wasnt my real grandpa.. he dated my granma for most of my childhood so he became the real thing to us. my real grandpa passed away when i was around 6 or so. for a while papa don was constant in my life.. after him and grandma broke up we still kept in contact. every year he would come visit us and stop for a hello. hah i remember countless saturdays of early morning garage sale shopping with him and grandma. well i got a lovely call from my mom telling me of his passing. he was in west virginia and had a freak accident. he was sitting in a chair and it broke to fold and he fell backwards hitting his head on the ground. usually thats not a big deal. well blood went to the brain and the next day he was rushed to the hospital and died there. interesting thing is, for my sisters graduation party he wasnt going to make it but all the sudden we are surprised and h shows up. it was great to see him. he lives in texas and he promised after west virginia he would make it by me on the way home for a visit. i was super excited about that... unfortunely its near the end of august when he was suppose to visit and he wont be coming... so R.I.P. Papa Don, I LOVE YOU!!!

now today i worked in lubbock at starbucks doing training from 7am-11:15am. i was tired hadnt slept all night. well my phone rings and its my mom. im on the way home about 10 minutes into the ride. she asks what im doing and i just tell her im driving back from work. she asks if im with neone. i tell her two other supervisors.. well then she said im sorry to tell you now but i have some bad news. april def crossed my mind. well she continues to say, last night grandmother passed away. i thought to myself i cannot handle another one. this is i think 27 deaths in my life and im only 21 years old!!!! what a great way to start out my school year right? so she tells me and all i can think is how can i find a way to tennesse. you see my grandmother is  my greatgrandmother but ive been very close to her all my life. before i was born she quilted a blanket for my parents. that blanket when i was born became my blankie. my whole life she has wrapped me in the blanket and held me in her arms. i have picctures as a newborn, an infant, toddler, kindergartner,middle schooler, junior high, highschool, and first year in college all of me and my grandmother wrapped into the blanket together.  as i write this im bundled up in our blanket.

i have many thoughts running through my head. i have thoughts of the fact i shall never return to tennesse again. my childhood i spent there. memories are running through my head and all i can think about is, God why now? why grandmother? granted she was 89 years old lived an amazing long life and was a women of God. i know it was her time to go, but why when im stuck here in texas. i have no way of getting there. i have no way of saying goodbye. ... all i can do is wrap up in her blanket and cry tears of sadness and tears of anger.

so many people my age have ever experienced a death yet, but im sitting here with 27 in my hands. that is 27 loved ones lost, 27 phone calls and conversations of someone i love with so much of my heart leaving this world... everytime it happens i keep saying i cant take nemore... i dont know what my limit is but it doesnt get any easier...

so all i ask is for prayer. prayer that i can mak it through the beginning of school without having to go home. prayer that i will not fall back into deep depression like i have in the past. prayer that i will have friends here to support me and be my shoulder when i need it. prayer for my family as we are all hurting in both losses.

i dont know what lies ahead, deaths come in 3's for me always, i dont want a third one already!!! please help, im at a loss for nething. i feel i could just sleep for days and right now waking up wouldnt be that big of a deal for me. please please pray...

i love you papa don and grandmother henry.. thanks for blessing me with such love and caring hearts!!! you both shall be missed and in my heart forever... have fun in heaven free from all pain and hurt. my life will be drastically different without ya'll....

p.s. grandmother, i will start making your homemade biscuits we cooked together for years! every effort put into them is all my love for you!!!

Rachel

due for an update

first im going to start with some pics ive needed to put up here!!!! this is just a pinch of my summer in chicago

 this is shawna and i. my last nite in chicago. pimpin out the celebrity station wagon with rearview seats.. AMAZING!!! love the broganater

 this pic is kinda blurry. i gotta love my angelina, yodak, ahahaah and well thats cody .. we look kinda ridick in this pic!! its at my house the night before i left. i really miss these faces

 ahh love these boys. this is caleb (mine) and charles ( my lil sis boyfriend ) right before we went to the pirates of the caribean dead mans chest midnite showing. we popped robyn and charles midnite showing cherries.

 sadly they look cute together hahah at the movies caleb and my lil sister.. miss her!! <3 she is freaken hot too!

 yay baby colin anthony. i love love love him!!! he is i swear the cutest baby i have seen in my life. and i get to be his auntie rae rae!! he sure has a lucky mom too! one of my best friends lins. he was born june 24th. i tried holding him asmuch as possible before i left. i miss the little peanut. i guess hehas gained some tho.ahh love colin and lins.

ALRIGHT JUST NOTIFIED I USED MY 10MB SPACE ON PICTURES FOR THIS MONTH IN XANGAWORLD>.. whatever the crap that is about..

update time

so i got a job :) i was hired as supervisor at the new starbucks coming to plainview. its exciting! the 45 min drive to lubbock for 4 weeks doing training is not. i love working at starbucks tho so it should be a good time

caleb got a job too! he is going to work at walmart distribution. he will work 4 10 hours days but im excited for him very excited. he wont have to move home anymore. we will actually have money. and hopefully be getting a car and what not soon. best part will be his new apartment, not dealing with stupid people nemore! so very happy!

i only have 1 week left of summer class. praises!! this english lit class is so freaken boring. i fight to stay awake. my sleeping problems havent gotten any better so that doesnt help much.

my mom is sick. she has a stomach infection and also has to have her galblatter (?) removed. she will take it like a champ tho. poor madre has been thru so many surgeries. ahh i love me madre

april is still living. mom says she gets to eat hamburgers now.  how lucky of a dog is she. her cancer allows her only to eat human food. lucky

sad note: my papa don passed away last saturday.  it was bad hearing that news after a crappy week he was just promising to visit me and everything. saw him beginning of june. im gonna miss him. he was so amazing. ihavent really cried about it yet. tears start coming and i just fight them back.i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to keep hurting. deaths come in threes. i cant take anymore.

happier note: i turned 21 on july 20th. i honestly didnt think it would be a great birthday. my whole life i have known what i would do on my bday. a pub crawl and have tshirts and all. i knew id be with angela, and sarah, and rugby girls, rugby bros. i just was so stoked for a huge big thing. so coming to texas for my bday was not a happy note. well i love u friends back home but man i had a blast here. a bunch of people went out with me there was about 13 or something.  we went to club dallas which is a cumbia club. i cant explain what cumbia is to ya'll at home. but omg it was so much fun. couple people got pretty good feelings lol my favorite new shot is buttery nipple um YUMMMY!!!! lets just say it was a blast. i fell out of the car by the end of the night haha and angela def has a voicemail from me to prove it was amazing. after the dancing night i didnt make it to class and everyone else was major tird. friday caleb had people over to hang out again for my bday and the festivities continued...it was amazing so thank you to all who joined me in my birthday and those who remembered my birthday. it was my first birthday in the states with friends for aw hile. you def made it remembered!!!

i was planning on some pics from the bday but i gues next month? hahah

and im done. deuces

many thoughts...

im back in texas. cant say that things have been too amazing.

im use to running when it gets hard. going where no-one knows me to start over. im not doing it this time. its gotten harder than ever and im going to hit it head on.

people cannot make me feel bad about myself anymore. i need to not care about others opinions. i know the only opinion that matters and he is above us all!

i always just madly fall in love with caleb all over again. like right now. im having butterflies thinking about him. i couldnt sleep last night because i was without him. and im waiting anxiously for him to call so i can see him. when i see him my tummy will get all rumbly and ill be in my loves arms again, not thinking about what is going on around us. its great that 10 months later it still feels as exciting as the first time he held my hand.

i miss my family.i miss my april.  i miss chicago. i miss my friends. i miss bonfires. i miss swimming. i miss bags. i miss movie nights.i miss making angela laugh on carnival rides. i miss hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend. i miss having a compfy bed to lay in. i miss april licking me as i fall asleep. i miss cuddling with my mom. i miss chicago white sox games and the songs that go with it. i miss starbucks. i miss my dad.  i miss my rugby girls. i miss brogans rear view seats in the celebrity.  i miss betsy.  i miss colin. i miss the grandparents. i miss kissing lins stomach.  i miss our leather couch. i miss having cable. i miss shawn my big bro. i miss my childhood life. i miss getting to be a kid.

i guess i just miss being comfortable with who i am when i was back home, and now questioning myself and if i really am that bad of a person as some think?

i dont think i know what to do with my life anymore. never land is sounding real good right now.

eh.. im guessing.. ill leave it at this...deuces

im outta here!!!1

i figured i should update one more time before i go back to TEXAS!!.

i cannot believe i was here for 2 months... someties it felt like forever and today it feels like i just got home yesterday.....

- i went to two sox baseball games at comiskey ( YES COMISKEY!!!) they were pretty sweet. pod hit a grand slam at one agaisnt the astros and we won. then i was so close the second game got to go to clubhouse and what not. but we lost 6-9 to the red sox. hate em. i dont know what im gonna do away from the white sox ahhhhhhhhhh

-july 4th was aight.. went to robyns boyfriends house and lit some off. went to bed early cuz of work of course.

-oh duh! my girl lins had her baby. the cutest baby ever! Colin Anthony, June 24th 12:06am 6lbs 6oz. 19 inches. he is so small. i gotta put a picture on here eventually. im in love with that boy.

- saw pirates of caribean midnite showing... eh i was dissapointed totally! im not gonna go ne further cuz ill get pissed off. i did dress up tho and had an amazing eyepatch.

-im having ytrouble getting my license renued since ill be gone... guess its just gonna go expired. blows

- mike ryba came down for a visit. it was so good to see him. good ol camp buddy. we caught up on the latest news of all of us campees.. justins getting married, tamis getting married, kevin moved to texas with his boyfriend, sarah and i will be enaged soon and proly mike too... wild times

- oh i did relay for life again this year. in memory of Timmy Yetter.  angela, tony, and caleb all walked with me. he was relaly on my mind and it was sad, but we def made it fun.

-taste of chicago is overrated now. i took caleb downtown in the city again but this time so he could try all kinds of foods from chicago... well it costs so much money!!! 11 tickets for 7 dollars... and everything was like 9 tickets... blah... i wanted him to try the barbequed alligator but it was too much... he settled for cajun chicken wings over a waffle... different but he siad it was good. we played in the fountains downtown shopped for a little. hah it was relaly romantic being downtown with just me and him.

-as to news on my april. she is still with us. doing better but we dunno. when i leave tommorow i realize it may just be the last time i see her again. i hate this part of being at school. i took the cutest pictures of us this summer tho. i decided instead of crying about it all the time to stay smiling and take in the good moments with her.

- hmm and tonite bunch of people are coming over. i dont really care if my parents have a problem with it b/c its just easier to have my friends here one day instead me driving to the moon and back. im excited to see everyone one last time. i hate not knowing when ill return to this place again, this place that used to be my home.

-lastly, BAGS!!!! i know when i was in texas i missed playing but man i play every freaken day now so this is gonna suck. people in texas just dont play bags? maybe its not cool enough.. i dunno but caleb is getting the plans from my father.. we are totally gonna make us a set....... maybe people will enjoy and we will make profit out of them.. hmmm i like that idea!!!

i think thats all so im gonna say ill go pack but ill prolly end up watching tv or playing bags for an hour or so. but if i dont see u before im gone... hope ur doing good. to the rest of ya's i saw.... i had fun times with ya'll.. thanks for still being here when i came back. and friends in texas.... ill see u in a day and the troubles will begin again!!!!!!!! DEUCES

GOOOOOOOOOODBYE CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!